Crappy 2nd Anniversary to Me..

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Deep breath, it’s time to revisit, Because it’s true what they say about breakups lasting more than a hot minute.

Now it’s weird to think that two years ago was the worst day of my life, But now that I’m thinking about it, I’m glad I went through all of that strife.

Maybe that sounds odd or maybe you agree, But at the end of the day if I never learned from my mistakes, then I wouldn’t be “me”.

There was a lot to learn both as individuals and as a couple, And trust me when I say that we had to get through a fair share of trouble.

Starting back up rocky was not what I wanted, Especially when I was just fine without him coming back with all that he flaunted.

He had lived a rather “adventurous” single life within those five months, So naturally I was prepared for the people that would cause our relationship bumps.

But I meant what I said last year about not putting up with shit, And yea you better believe that when it came time to show my backbone, he didn’t give me much lip.

Now I know that sounds like I might have become a dictator of our relationship, But I think we can all agree that there are some things that you just won’t let sit.

After we had time to clearly define how this relationship would be going, I’m happy to report that now we are both glowing.

But I do want to focus more about me and my personal growth, I can’t speak for him but honestly he might be the one who has grown the most.

Upon starting our new relationship I still wanted time to do my own thing, It was nothing against him, I had just sprouted an independent wing.

Quickly I found that apparently it’s weird to have a life without your boyfriend, Constantly hearing things like “you don’t act like you have another heart to tend.”

I’m sorry, but when did it become a requirement to do everything with one person?, I think most married couples can agree that too much time together can make things worsen.

What’s even more important is that I have found a love for just doing things on my own, “I don’t need no man” is more closely related to just how much a girl has grown.

Because the fact of the matter is that I don’t need Cody to feel like I can lead a fun or successful life, But I want to have him in it and maybe one day be his wife.

Gaining a relationship shouldn’t mean losing who you are, And I had to learn that lesson the hard way with a break-up that left a nasty scar.

The best thing I did for my relationship, whether it was with Cody or not, Was learning to be my own best companion – and that’s something I had to live through to be taught.

Because until I could learn to be everything for me, myself, and I, Cody stood no chance to be the one to get me by.

This past year I have learned to be better at going out without him all the time, Whether that be hitting the bars with my friends or taking myself out on my own dime.

Because before I would think that we had to do everything together, But now I understand that we can do things separately and that has made us better.

Even more importantly is that I have learned that it’s okay to stay home when he goes out, Because before I would begrudingly sit at home and pout.

I have better things to do with my time then feel compelled to be social when I’m not up for it, And I’ve learned to trust the decisions he makes even if I’m not around to see it.

Any way I slice it, it all comes down to one important factor, That I’ve learned to be more than just an extension of some eligible bachelor.

So I’m raising a glass to the dreadful breakup of June 29th 2018, What can I say, year two looks better on me – it’s my Crappy Anniversary.

How to Manage a Stressful Schedule

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Adult life is not without its headaches. Sometimes you may wonder how to manage a stressful schedule. Between having a job or maybe two, having pets or kids to take care of, paying the bills, a romantic relationship to sustain, and trying to squeeze in a social life, it pretty much seems impossible! Often times we find ourselves in an anxious, stress ball.

I personally have a part-time job that averages 25-32 hours a week, a side business that averages roughly the same amount of time, this blog to upkeep, taking care of a pup pup, a relationship, and trying to maintain a social life. Not to mention I have a lot of debt I need to pay off so that adds a bigger weight onto me than all of those things combined. And honestly, there is probably more I could add to that list, but those are the main things.

What I have found that works for me is quite simple that most everyone already knows they need to do it – get a planner. Oh but here’s the twist – USE IT!

Again those both seem so brainless that you are probably heading up towards the “Exit” button as you are reading this. But hold on just a second, because you haven’t even gotten to the main point I want to make.

Yes getting a planner and using it is what we have been told to do, day in and day out, that this is not new news. In fact, how is this supposed to fix your problems any differently?

Instead what I want you to do when you are writing in your planner is to write down absolutely everything – item by item. People say “don’t sweat the small stuff”, but a lot of times in our busy schedules, it’s those small things that we need to get done that we end up forgetting. Because the feeling of accomplishment is bigger when you can have small wins throughout an entire day as opposed to having a few bigger ones that may or may not be able to get done in one day.

For example, instead of writing “clean out car”, separate it into multiple jobs. So you would end up writing something like:

  • clean out trunk
  • clean out cup holders
  • organize center counsel, etc

And for content creators like myself, instead of writing “post on social media” because let’s be real, that could be A LOT of things, instead write something like:

  • post on Instagram
  • post on Facebook
  • pin 1 original style look on Pinterest
  • repin 3 things on Pinterest
  • do Insta stories about (insert topic/client here)

So here’s a look into a the kind of things I write in my planner.

As you can see, I always put my work schedule at the top of the day in orange because that is the most important and most time consuming. I also separate my social media postings in a few different categories that way I can remember them all (sometimes I forget how busy I am!). Most weeks I try to write something that will keep me on track to one of my goals. This week’s goal was to “Remember to live conservatively! You have bills to pay for and two mini vacays to pay for <3”. I feel more inclined to keep myself in check when I have this reminder. And sometimes I even write things in my days that are just normal functions of being a human, like “remember to wash your hair”, “drink water”, “eat dinner”, etc. Sometimes it’s so easy for me to get caught up in getting my chores and work done that I will go through a whole day and be like “Why am I hungry? Oh because I didn’t eat lunch. Why do I feel like meh? Oh because I only had coffee and didn’t actually drink any water all day.”

Our days are crazy, and a lot of times our attention gets diverted mid-chore. By splitting things up into multiple jobs, you can get something done as opposed to leaving major things on your list un-checked off! Not to mention, you can remember the small things in life that keep us healthy!

The other thing I do is that I add things onto my list in my planner even after I have already accomplished them. Did you already take your dog for a walk today? Write it in your planner and immediately check it or cross it off! Even though the activity is already done, you can have a sense of accomplishment about it and make your day feel like a success.

And it is very important to cross or check things off! Although I like the clean look of putting a colored check mark next to a completed chore, I cannot tell you the extreme satisfaction that is scribbling something out in full black ink. By doing so, you are giving your brain a visual sense of accomplishment by getting one more thing off of your crazy schedule. It’s like doing an insane mic drop in the face of a big chore that you just freaking crushed!

Once you start feeling like you’re checking more things off, your day will just become a catalyst of success. You’ll find yourself looking for minor things you can do just so you can keep the success train chugging right along! Starting with small accomplishments adds up quickly and by the end of the day you will look back at your planner and see all the things you have done!

However, it is important to note here that it is 100% okay to not get everything checked off on your list (as seen by my planner). Again, life happens and sometimes things come up randomly that need more attention or maybe one chore took a little longer than what you expected. Or maybe work was just more stressful one day than it was another and you just don’t have the energy to do what you planned to. Do what feels right and don’t push yourself. More so, it’s okay to not have anything planned in a day. It’s okay to just take a day or two to yourself, detox from some stress, and care for yourself by being lazy and catching up on some TV.

No one knows what struggle you are dealing with or the type of hectic life you are living! I promise you that by taking some time to give yourself some praise for your accomplishments (however small they may be!) will give your mind some ease and make you feel like through all the madness that there is still some progress being made to manage it.

A Different Method in Dealing With Anxiety

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“Oh baby, why don’t you just meet me in the middle! I’m losing my mind just a little..” Catchy song, right? It almost makes you want to play the song right this second! But what if instead I had put…

“It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small world after all. It’s a small, small world!” Now this song is also unfortunately pretty catchy too. But it has the reverse effect on us in that we definitely don’t want to listen to it longer than we have to, but it’s more likely to be what will get stuck in our head the rest of the day!

You might be wondering how this relates to anxiety, and the connection is quite simple. Sometimes songs come into our head rather randomly and based on whether we like these songs or not usually depend on how much they affect our day.

If we like a song, odds are that we welcome the song into our head and more often than not we have the urge to listen to the song! And shortly after listening to the song, it is no longer stuck in our head, we have a great day, and we go about our business!

However, if it’s a song that annoys us, we try our best to block it out. We get frustrated when it keeps popping up in our heads and it takes a lot of time before it finally leaves our head.

Anxiety acts in the same way.

Anxiety is defined as distress or uneasiness of mind caused by fear of danger or misfortune. In other words, they are the thoughts that come to mind that you didn’t ask to be there, that usually aren’t caused by any substantial evidence, and are usually irrational or outlandish.

So let’s get this straight – anxiety is a bitch. I have talked about it before in one of my other blog posts discussing tactics to maintaining a healthy mental lifestyle, but we haven’t talked about the topic head-on.

So let’s.

My own journey with anxiety actually started about two years ago when I finally came to the realization that I had it! I know this sounds like nothing new – most people do have some form of anxiety at some point in their life. I just remember sitting in my bathroom with the door locked, sobbing on the floor because I was beyond stressed about my financial situation. Then out of the blue, one of my friends texts me and asks how I was doing and if I was okay – maybe he had some sixth sense to my duress! But I texted him back and told him what was going on, and about what I was thinking and feeling. And he simply responds with “oh you’re having a panic attack.”

UM – WHAT?!

But over that next week, I made a doctor’s appointment and they told me what my friend had already figured out for me. I had anxiety. After that, I started to reflect a little more on how this may have been affecting my life without me knowing that it was anxiety-based. And the truth is that it had actually come up multiple times in my past relationships, friendships, and life situations. I looked back on some hard times and realized that WOW, I actually had experienced more than one panic attack since I was about eighteen years old.

Now that I am writing this with about two years of knowledge about my own anxiety, I have a great way of handling it! In the first year of knowing and living with it, I tried to shut down the thoughts that were coming to me. What if my boyfriend wasn’t truly in love with me? What if I would never bounce back from my failure with my small shop? What if I couldn’t salvage my life into something lovable and livable?

What I found, which is what I think many people find when trying to not think about a song that they hate that got stuck in their head, is that TRYING to shut down those thoughts DOES. NOT. WORK.

By trying to not think about it, you end up thinking about it more and feeling worse. It ends up stressing you out! And the final result could end up being a panic attack.

So instead, what I am going to suggest is to treat every song/thought (good or annoying) like a good song. What does that mean? That means accept the thought, take control of the thought, and let it pass.

So if I am being completely honest with you, my biggest annoying anxiety thought is that my boyfriend isn’t in this relationship as much as I am. I think about him going out on his own and what he could be doing or who he could be doing it with. Unfortunately he has earned that mistrust. No he has never cheated, but he has done things that broke trust and when trust is broken in any aspect of the relationship, it makes your thoughts wander to other aspects of the relationship.

Those thoughts have plagued me for a very, very long time and I have always felt so guilty for thinking the worst in him when he hasn’t done the things that I am thinking of him doing. And in the past, when I would think these things and end up subconsciously treating him like a criminal, he shut me out, he got upset, and he felt like I was accusing him of things he didn’t do.

So instead what I do is quite simple.

This thought of him cheating on me comes to mind. Instead of being nervous about the thought, I welcome the thought. “Oh so we are thinking about this? Alright let’s go. Let’s give this hoe-bag a name. Let’s set the scene. Where did they meet? How long have they been talking? How are they sneaking around? And better yet, oh, let’s have me catch them in the act and let’s think about what I would do and say.” You better believe that I think of everything! Instead of the thoughts controlling me, I’m controlling the thoughts. I am taking control of where the thoughts go. If they want to be in my head, then fine let’s give the thoughts a good seat of the movie screen. Let’s focus on the details.

And you know what ends up happening? I think about it…. and then I don’t. It’s the same thing that happens when “The Middle” starts playing in your head and then you play it on Spotify real fast. You think about it, you listen to the song, and you move on with your day!

What ends up happening is that since I took control of the thoughts, I led the thoughts where I wanted to go. What ends up happening is that I get to the end of the scenario and I think wow…. that took A LOT to make that thought happen. And more often than not, my loving boyfriend texts me, or walks into the room, or he cuddles me closer at night at the moment that those thoughts start to pass, and I smile. And then I start having a new thought. I think of the day we get to go on a nice vacation together with our puppy, or I think of the day he asks me to be his wife.

I know anxiety comes in all forms and the thoughts are even more varied so maybe this method isn’t for everyone. I know it’s scary when these thoughts come to mind so the idea of thinking about them more may be intimidating or overwhelming. But I encourage you to stop trying to make them stop. Instead take control! Try to create the ENTIRE scene and play it out in your head and remember to include how you will come out of that situation stronger, better, and more badass!

Because at the end of the day.. wouldn’t you rather live in your reality than the nightmares that you have created in your head?

A Simple Guide to Keeping Your New Years Resolutions

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Recently I was scrolling through Instagram and I saw one of my favorite Instagrammers, Golden Aimee, post one of the funniest captions to her pictures: “May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolution”.

Obviously I chuckled! None of us want our troubles to last long, and more often than not our New Year’s resolutions don’t make it past January. In fact, a study conducted by Strava indicates that January 12th is the day that most people give up! But did you know it also only takes 66 days for a new habit to become automatic?

66 days! That’s a little more two months! Are you prepared to put in the work?

If you are, then let’s begin! Not only will it take a short amount of time, but I have a simple guide for you to follow to make sure you can start 2020 strong and end it even stronger.

I will go over some of the most popular resolutions people make and how you can go about them in a way that will surely lead to success, but before I do, let’s talk about some of the biggest mistakes people make when making their New Year’s resolutions.

The first big mistake people make is that they dream WAY too big and have the deadline be “the end of 2020”. Although it’s great to have one big goal to achieve, what’s even more fulfilling is actually achieving milestones along the way. Not only is this a great way to get started, but it is something that you can change and increase/decrease throughout your journey so that you are always working towards a doable goal. Not to mention, since people make their deadline for the end of the year instead of making milestones, it’s easier for them to give the excuse “oh I still have a few more months, I can put it off for tomorrow.” This is what we are trying to avoid!

The second big mistake is that people are determined to start or quit something RIGHT AWAY. For example, if you are trying to start working out, then you’re thinking that you need to be at the gym every day, right? Or if you’re trying to quit smoking, then you’re thinking that you need to quit cold turkey, right? Both of those are dead WRONG. Going to the gym every day is only going to make you super sore, then you’ll have to take a week off for recovery, then by the time you are able to start again you are going to feel so unmotivated because of the pain you felt that you will never go to the gym again. It’s the same with smoking – if you try to quit by jumping off of the ladder completely instead of taking one step down at a time, you will find the detox to be so harsh, so uncomfortable, and guess what? You’ll be back at it in a week or two. This all goes back to trying to achieve milestones as opposed to making one big goal!

Lastly, the other big mistake people fall into is actually trying to do too many things. Your life can only balance so many things so why are you trying to be better at all these new things that you promised yourself on top of trying to maintain your normal home and work life?

By knowing these common mistakes, now you are even more prepared to start!
Working Out

This is the most common resolution! Gyms see a spike in membership and attendance in January only to see it come back to normal by February. So what you need to do to stay on top of it is simply by making small, achievable goals. Once you complete that first goal, increase your goal a little bit! If you want to run a marathon by December 2020, then start by making the goal to run 15 minutes at a time. Once you can do that, then maybe change the goal to being able to run a mile in 10 minutes! It’s all about making small, achievable goals. That will keep you motivated to keep coming to the gym and accomplish your resolution!

Quitting (insert thing here)

Whether it’s smoking, biting your nails, drinking too much coffee, etc, these are all attainable through milestones. Start with a baby step! If you know you drink 5 cups of coffee in a day, then you’ll want to cut it back to 4 cups a day, but maybe have a cheat day of 5 cups a day once a week. Sooner or later, you’ll find that it will be habit to only have 4 cups a day. Once that habit has formed, then move down the ladder inch by inch. Success is measured through progress! And the more you can progress, the better your chances are of achieving your overall goal.

Saving/Making More Money

This one is a tad harder since the act of saving is not immune to emergencies or random expenses like your car breaking down. It can be hard to save money in these circumstance because you may even have to take out money from your savings to pay for these things. And that’s ok! This resolution shouldn’t be about a certain amount – it should be about the act itself! If you can put ANY amount of money away per month, that’s a win! In terms of making more money, this is going to require you to continually work harder at your job. Put in those hours, get more one-on-one time with your boss, prove that you are an asset to the business you are in! Maybe your success will be measured in getting more hours at work. I mean, it’s not a pay raise per se, but you are getting more time at work and that’s still technically making more money.

Overall, you need to remember that it’s the small wins that account for your success. New Year’s resolutions are hard. If they were easy then it wouldn’t be something we, as a society, put such an emphasis on.

My goals for 2020 are to save and make more money, work with more companies (any number would suffice!), and to lower my debt. I am telling you this because by sharing my resolutions, I will feel more inclined to work harder at them!

To make sure I can accomplish these goals, I will:

  • Put in $100 per month for savings
  • Email at least three new companies a month
  • Keep to my current schedule to pay off my credit cards until such a time as I can afford to pay off more

I don’t want to box myself in too much with these goals. If I can save any amount per month that would be a win, and even just paying off the minimum on my credit cards still qualifies as lowering my debt. These milestones are small but they are notable to me because they are still accomplishing my resolution to myself.

Only you can hold yourself accountable for your resolutions. Keep yourself to it and don’t cave under the pressure! Make 2020 your year to make changes in your life!

Crappy Anniversary to Me..

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He was my best friend for all too much time, Did everything together from morning til night.

Knew that I loved him before we made it official, Never thought that love would kill me with a pistol.

Now I will try to keep this as truthful as possible, But if I’m being honest telling this without emotion will be almost impossible.

I could blame the end on a number of things, From moving in too early and all that would bring.

We lost our independence because we were too scared to say otherwise, Well that bit us in the ass and started our demise.

I treated him like a king, day in and day out, Never once receiving a “thank you” which would cause me to shout.

How hard is it to show appreciation to the one you love most? Yet I shoved that in his face as sort of a boast.

I just wanted him to give me more as a way to show me that he was focused on our future, I mean for God’s sake paying for so much shit really made me feel like he was just a moocher.

Now you’ve read my take on things I thought he did wrong, But let me give you a take on my faults which hopefully won’t be too long.

Sometimes he would need space and time for relaxation, But I would storm in on that important time without any hesitation.

I was constantly threatened and anxious by the girls of his past, Which had me on edge, questioning him, and jumping to conclusions all too fast.

The fights started slowly but soon were part of our weekly reality, And with his life’s background was 100% not his cup of tea.

He has a background of family and ladies that weren’t all too kind to him, All of which caused his anger to be tipped over the brim.

Now me I’m a little different and was blessed with love all around, So I couldn’t understand why he would so easily shut down.

Pushing him to talk about feelings he couldn’t recognize, Only made more problems start to materialize.

Bitter, shattered, and heartbroken I would go sit and cry, Because the love of my life would just leave me on standby.

See I like to talk about problems when they come up, But he would sit and yell at me to just shut up.

Now in my head I knew I needed to give him space to cool off, I mean we lived together, eventually we would have to talk.

But what bugged me the most is that he would want to sweep everything under the rug, Whereas I sat in tatters really just needing a hug.

The problems built up and his silence kept pissing me off, Until one day I said “if you don’t talk, then I’ve had enough.”

Raging mad, he stormed out of the house in silence, I was dumbfounded by the fact that his reaction was only defiance.

I’m sure you are trying to give fault to the bad guy, But are you sure you have enough information to even try?

I can attest that he FOR SURE didn’t handle that well, But I know what I did wasn’t exactly all that swell.

In all honesty we both had heavy hands in the destruction of our relationship, But it’s how he dealt with the end that made me feel like our love was just a counterfeit.

Maybe it’s how all guys deal with traumatic losses, But I’m just not a fan of countless nightly bed tosses.

Barely able to get out of bed, all motivation to eat and move was gone, Definitely had family and friends wondering what the hell could be done.

He threw my love away without even saying sorry, So my only course of distraction was to go out and party.

Well I found solace at the end of a night of dancing and drinking, Meanwhile still thinking about him and with whom that night he would be sleeping.

Somewhere along the line, my sadness turned to burning rage, And through that anger my new self took center stage.

I became a person who didn’t give a fuck about anything, A true phoenix from the flames, he just became a chip in my wing.

You better believe moving forward that anger became my passion, And when he came back saying all the things he did wrong, I really had no compassion.

You see when heart’s break, they don’t just shatter, You lose pieces of yourself in the whole process of the matter.

So before when I would get sad about the problems we were having, Now in my relationships I stand up for myself instead of begging to start hashing.

You don’t want to talk? Fine, see what silence feels like, I’m sure you will find me to not be so ladylike.

I’m sure by now this sounds like I became a bitch, and well that’s true, Because dealing with problems like a fucking boss sounds a hell of a lot better than being blue.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually a pretty nice girl, But trust me when I say you won’t like me if you try to take me for a whirl.

So yea the whole experience sure was some trying times, But Ariana Grande said it best with this next line.

“Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch, Who would’ve thought it’d turn me into a savage.”

I’d rather forget June 29th and everything it did to me, But hell I came out stronger – it’s my crappy anniversary.