Crappy 2nd Anniversary to Me..

Deep breath, it’s time to revisit, Because it’s true what they say about breakups lasting more than a hot minute.

Now it’s weird to think that two years ago was the worst day of my life, But now that I’m thinking about it, I’m glad I went through all of that strife.

Maybe that sounds odd or maybe you agree, But at the end of the day if I never learned from my mistakes, then I wouldn’t be “me”.

There was a lot to learn both as individuals and as a couple, And trust me when I say that we had to get through a fair share of trouble.

Starting back up rocky was not what I wanted, Especially when I was just fine without him coming back with all that he flaunted.

He had lived a rather “adventurous” single life within those five months, So naturally I was prepared for the people that would cause our relationship bumps.

But I meant what I said last year about not putting up with shit, And yea you better believe that when it came time to show my backbone, he didn’t give me much lip.

Now I know that sounds like I might have become a dictator of our relationship, But I think we can all agree that there are some things that you just won’t let sit.

After we had time to clearly define how this relationship would be going, I’m happy to report that now we are both glowing.

But I do want to focus more about me and my personal growth, I can’t speak for him but honestly he might be the one who has grown the most.

Upon starting our new relationship I still wanted time to do my own thing, It was nothing against him, I had just sprouted an independent wing.

Quickly I found that apparently it’s weird to have a life without your boyfriend, Constantly hearing things like “you don’t act like you have another heart to tend.”

I’m sorry, but when did it become a requirement to do everything with one person?, I think most married couples can agree that too much time together can make things worsen.

What’s even more important is that I have found a love for just doing things on my own, “I don’t need no man” is more closely related to just how much a girl has grown.

Because the fact of the matter is that I don’t need Cody to feel like I can lead a fun or successful life, But I want to have him in it and maybe one day be his wife.

Gaining a relationship shouldn’t mean losing who you are, And I had to learn that lesson the hard way with a break-up that left a nasty scar.

The best thing I did for my relationship, whether it was with Cody or not, Was learning to be my own best companion – and that’s something I had to live through to be taught.

Because until I could learn to be everything for me, myself, and I, Cody stood no chance to be the one to get me by.

This past year I have learned to be better at going out without him all the time, Whether that be hitting the bars with my friends or taking myself out on my own dime.

Because before I would think that we had to do everything together, But now I understand that we can do things separately and that has made us better.

Even more importantly is that I have learned that it’s okay to stay home when he goes out, Because before I would begrudingly sit at home and pout.

I have better things to do with my time then feel compelled to be social when I’m not up for it, And I’ve learned to trust the decisions he makes even if I’m not around to see it.

Any way I slice it, it all comes down to one important factor, That I’ve learned to be more than just an extension of some eligible bachelor.

So I’m raising a glass to the dreadful breakup of June 29th 2018, What can I say, year two looks better on me – it’s my Crappy Anniversary.


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Crappy Anniversary to Me..

He was my best friend for all too much time, Did everything together from morning til night.

Knew that I loved him before we made it official, Never thought that love would kill me with a pistol.

Now I will try to keep this as truthful as possible, But if I’m being honest telling this without emotion will be almost impossible.

I could blame the end on a number of things, From moving in too early and all that would bring.

We lost our independence because we were too scared to say otherwise, Well that bit us in the ass and started our demise.

I treated him like a king, day in and day out, Never once receiving a “thank you” which would cause me to shout.

How hard is it to show appreciation to the one you love most? Yet I shoved that in his face as sort of a boast.

I just wanted him to give me more as a way to show me that he was focused on our future, I mean for God’s sake paying for so much shit really made me feel like he was just a moocher.

Now you’ve read my take on things I thought he did wrong, But let me give you a take on my faults which hopefully won’t be too long.

Sometimes he would need space and time for relaxation, But I would storm in on that important time without any hesitation.

I was constantly threatened and anxious by the girls of his past, Which had me on edge, questioning him, and jumping to conclusions all too fast.

The fights started slowly but soon were part of our weekly reality, And with his life’s background was 100% not his cup of tea.

He has a background of family and ladies that weren’t all too kind to him, All of which caused his anger to be tipped over the brim.

Now me I’m a little different and was blessed with love all around, So I couldn’t understand why he would so easily shut down.

Pushing him to talk about feelings he couldn’t recognize, Only made more problems start to materialize.

Bitter, shattered, and heartbroken I would go sit and cry, Because the love of my life would just leave me on standby.

See I like to talk about problems when they come up, But he would sit and yell at me to just shut up.

Now in my head I knew I needed to give him space to cool off, I mean we lived together, eventually we would have to talk.

But what bugged me the most is that he would want to sweep everything under the rug, Whereas I sat in tatters really just needing a hug.

The problems built up and his silence kept pissing me off, Until one day I said “if you don’t talk, then I’ve had enough.”

Raging mad, he stormed out of the house in silence, I was dumbfounded by the fact that his reaction was only defiance.

I’m sure you are trying to give fault to the bad guy, But are you sure you have enough information to even try?

I can attest that he FOR SURE didn’t handle that well, But I know what I did wasn’t exactly all that swell.

In all honesty we both had heavy hands in the destruction of our relationship, But it’s how he dealt with the end that made me feel like our love was just a counterfeit.

Maybe it’s how all guys deal with traumatic losses, But I’m just not a fan of countless nightly bed tosses.

Barely able to get out of bed, all motivation to eat and move was gone, Definitely had family and friends wondering what the hell could be done.

He threw my love away without even saying sorry, So my only course of distraction was to go out and party.

Well I found solace at the end of a night of dancing and drinking, Meanwhile still thinking about him and with whom that night he would be sleeping.

Somewhere along the line, my sadness turned to burning rage, And through that anger my new self took center stage.

I became a person who didn’t give a fuck about anything, A true phoenix from the flames, he just became a chip in my wing.

You better believe moving forward that anger became my passion, And when he came back saying all the things he did wrong, I really had no compassion.

You see when heart’s break, they don’t just shatter, You lose pieces of yourself in the whole process of the matter.

So before when I would get sad about the problems we were having, Now in my relationships I stand up for myself instead of begging to start hashing.

You don’t want to talk? Fine, see what silence feels like, I’m sure you will find me to not be so ladylike.

I’m sure by now this sounds like I became a bitch, and well that’s true, Because dealing with problems like a fucking boss sounds a hell of a lot better than being blue.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually a pretty nice girl, But trust me when I say you won’t like me if you try to take me for a whirl.

So yea the whole experience sure was some trying times, But Ariana Grande said it best with this next line.

“Been through some bad shit, I should be a sad bitch, Who would’ve thought it’d turn me into a savage.”

I’d rather forget June 29th and everything it did to me, But hell I came out stronger – it’s my crappy anniversary.


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